Sitting in Limbo

Well I survived the first three months. People told me that they would be the most difficult, and boy were they right. Constantly tired and sick was not the most ideal way to spend 90 days. A little over the 90 day period, I am surprisingly still sick and tired. I guess the latter will never go away–I read somewhere that new parents lose about 5000 hours of sleep within the first years of their children’s lives. Is it to late to re-think this? I definitely been able to pull my share of all nighters in the past, but lately I enjoy heading to bed and sleeping through the night! Oh well, every baby is different and I can hope can’t I? The sickness has continued and may be actually lasting the entire pregnancy. It definitely has gotten better, but the nausea at night hasn’t. These days Tim just looks at me and says—sick again huh? I’ve tried to hide it, but I can’t. I use to think I was strong enough to handle anything–heck I survived my master’s degree and all the committments that went with that, and yet this is harder. I guess in other words, I am a wimp. Today at work I was told I looked great–hmm maybe I am hiding at work, but not at home?

Well regardless I have to just deal with everything as it comes. I just keep telling myself that the end result will make the whole thing worth it. Speaking of that, heading in few weeks for my first ultrasound. Besides being nervous about that (still cannot believe that this is happening to me), I am excited. I of course need to know the gender, while Tim is refusing. He states that supposedly this is the only real surprise there is in life. Well I personally hate surprises and am all about organization and preparation. I think that knowing the gender will help me throughout this. Yes, while I do hope for one gender over the other, I just want a happy and healthy baby. I am told that during this visit they can tell me the size and whether or not the baby is on target. Great, one more thing to keep me awake at night. I am already nervous about the upcoming blood tests for genetic abnormalities, but now size and growth. I thought this was suppose to be a happy time–all I have do is worry. What is this happens, what if that happens… sometimes I think reading to much literature can be hazardous to my health. As much as I want to be ignorant, something within me wants to know. I am certainly not reading like I use to, but from time to time do pick up a book or two.

Well it is that magical hour–time for sleep. I have had my nightime snack and beverage and time to hit the sheets. Yes, at one point I would have laughed if you told me I would be going to bed so early, but now I would have it no other way. Getting up early for work can be difficult, so the more zzzzz’s I can get the better off I am.

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