Just Checking In… (by Sue)

Well the ultrasound is over, and the name is picked out. In some ways everyone tells me that I should just sit back and enjoy the rest of the ride, afterall, the hard part is over (well except for the actual delivery). Well as appealing as that sounds, I am anything but relaxed. Everyday I look into the current computer room and think that in short few months I will not be checking my email/paying bills, but instead changing diapers and feeding G. Somehow knowing the gender and having the name picked out makes this whole experience much more real. I frequently finding myself looking at the ultrasound picture and wondering just what he is going to be like. More importantly, who does he look like? I love my husband dearly, yet I am secretly hoping G looks like me. I wonder what he will look like with red hair or brown hair, whose eye color will he have, and whether he will have freckles like me or not. Yes, I have a little more than 4 months to contemplate all of this and it is absolutely killing me. In some regards I wish he would just hurry up and get here. Looking at his clothes, toys, and other accessories makes me yearn to play with him. That is another thing, whose temperment will he have? A year ago if anyone told me that I would be this into a baby I would have laughed. I admit my motherly insticts were not exactly well developed. As a teacher I love my students as if they were my own, yet they are teenagers and much more independent than a baby. A baby, still to this day I have no clue what to do with one. Yes, ignorant as I may sound I am excited to find out. I feel as though I am going on a long trip with no itinerary and no guide. Instead I have to find my own way and deal with obstacles as they arise. So again I contemplate, just how will my life change? I’m told drastically by all, and yet I am still excited. Am I nuts, sure but I still cannot wait!